I’m giving it all to you.
I tried alone. No more.
I never meant to leave you. I never meant to wander.
Never meant to forget to dig in your scriptures. Never meant to wander. Never meant to say the things I wanted so badly to take back.
What did I mean?
I was just trying to live from day to day. To be lonely for my family, for Daniel. I love my cabin, I love Scout, but I want security again. Security in you.The electrode tape rips from my skin, leaving sticky tape and the smell of sweat beneath. It hurts.
Uncertainty happens. I used to think I could escape it. Just wait and life gets better. No longer.
I confess my sins.
I confess you.
Jesus, in your suffering you reached for me. You thought of me. Individually.
You made me who I am. You justified me. I am now the salt of the earth. I am your workmanship. I am a temple. I am now chosen, appointed. I am light. - I may approach you in confidence. I have direct access to you, complete, made righteous. I am joined to the Lord, one spirit with him. - And I am secure. I find grace and mercy in time of need. I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of sound mind, love, and power. I am free from condemning charges against me. I am delivered from the domain of darkness. I am anointed. - Established. Sealed.
I will live scandalously, ridiculously, riskily. I will take every scrap of love and devour it ravenously. I will notice the Jesus things and step out of myself.
I am not my past. I am not my future. I am now.
I am not just hidden. I am devoured by a ravenous Lover.
Jesus, in your suffering you reached for me. You thought of me. Individually.The electrodes catch every heartbeat, every flutter of my heart. They caught the flutter when I thought of who you are.